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Thread: the official "Dudeman" thread

  1. #1
    Flirting With The Redline 10,000 Posts! Shadow Shack's Avatar
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    the official "Dudeman" thread

    Okay, everyone has to have a tale here. You all have met him, the dudeman who tries in vain to convince us that he really knows a thing or two about motorcycles, including the fabled one he owns or used to own. They're always amusing, because here we have complete idiots (regular run of the mill idiots are a dime a dozen, but complete idiots are rare) who seem to think that they can display some semblance of knowledge toward those of us that are already well schooled in the topic. You know, they obviously know something we don't. Such as the well documented tid-bit that any motorcycle with chrome is a Harley and any bike with fairing is a Ninja...

    So all hail the Dudeman, and relate your tale of his encounters. Here's one of my encounters, one I will affectionately call "Sportbike Dudeman" which happened about six or seven years ago at my prior place of employment ---

    "Dude, was that you on that slick ass Harley that rumbled in this morning?"

    (there's typically about a dozen bikes parked in the MC section of the employee parking lot when I roll in at 6:30-6:45am each day, with said section located right at the entry gate where the guard shack has a clear view of them. Some of them are Harleys. Some are sportbikes. Some are dual sports. Some are metric cruisers. You get the picture.) "If you mean the burgandy/white chopper, yeah that was me."

    "Yeah man, that's the one. Nice Harley, dude!"

    "Thanks, but it's a Honda. Shadow VLX to be specific."

    "Oh, yeah man...I used to have me one of those. Traded it for my new bike."

    "Right on, so whaddaya got now?"

    "Got me another Honda. Can't go wrong with the best!"

    "Cool. Which model?"

    "The Ninja!"

    About this time my friend/co-worker who also rides (CBR1000 Hurricane which was later traded for a 954RR) arrives into the conversation, with a perplexed look in his face. I give him a quick nod, and retort: "Hey Sam (names altered to protect the innocent and guilty alike), Ernest here has himself a Honda Ninja, ain't that what you ride?"

    Sam blatantly jumps on the baloney bandwagon and answers, "Yeah, I got one too...which size do you have?"

    "I got me the 1200 (at the time the ZX-11 was Kawi's biggest Ninja, and Honda's biggest sportbike was the CBR1100XX). Man that thing's so fast it scares me!"

    Me: "You ever take it on the freeway and open her up?"

    "Hell yeah, man! I got to state line in 16 minutes with it!"

    Sam: "Not bad, what part of town did you start from to get that time?"

    "I live near the Summerlin area." (at the time the extreme northwest end of town, and such a trip on the freeway commencing there takes you through the "spaghetti bowl" which is aptly named as it's the interchange downtown where traffic comes to a standstill for miles regardless of the time of day. It's even worse now...but I digress. Suffice it to say, it takes no less than 15-20 minutes to navigate that section of downtown freeway, whether you're making the needed interchange to head to the California state line or staying on the existing road)

    Me: Right on. So how fast did you get it up to?

    "140 man. Any faster and I woulda crapped my pants!"

    (quick's a little over 40 miles from where we worked, in the south-central part of town, to the California state line. At 140mph you're moving 2 1/3 miles per minute, which in 16 minutes would take you 37 miles. This doesn't take into account where said knothead lives, which would add at least another 10 miles, and the interchange delays, let alone any traffic in between. In other words, had he been airborn and going as the crow flies, he still wouldn't have made it at those speeds and times.)

    Me: "Say, I'm not too familiar with the Honda 1200 that the one with the V-twin?" (at the time only Suzuki and Honda had 1000cc V-twins, along with the various Ducati models...there were no other V2 sporties)

    "Yeah, that's the one!"

    Sam: "How do you like that 300 series front tire? Pretty snappy handling?" (we all know that a 300 series front tire will make any bike handle like an intoxicated moose)

    "Dude, this thing kicks major snappy ASS!!!"

    Yeah there's some major ass-gassing here for sure. Suffice it to say, without going into further details this guy managed to dig himself into a deep enough hole that by the time we were done with him he was staring face to face with a Chinese fella.
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  2. #2
    Flirting With The Redline 2000 Posts! A_Pmech's Avatar
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    My stories won't even scratch the surface of that!
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  3. #3
    Senior Moderator We've stopped counting... subvetSSN606's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by A_Pmech View Post
    My stories won't even scratch the surface of that!

    I can't compete!
    I've had quite a few converstions that started out that way, but before it goes that far rather than playing with them I just quit talking and stand there looking at them with one eyebrow arched... and they just trail off, shut up, and wander away.

    I gotta quit doing that. Your method is far more entertaining!

    In the end, regrets rarely come from things done, but from things not even tried.

  4. #4
    Contributor We've stopped counting... Chuck's Avatar
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    Honda Ninja...

    Good one! I'll have to investigate that 300 series front tire when it comes time for new tires...

    2007 Kawasaki Ninja 650R SOLD!
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  5. #5
    Flirting With The Redline We've stopped counting... weaver's Avatar
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    I got nothing.

    All I get is from one of the guys here who used to own an American Ironhorse... "So, when ya gonna get a Harley, you know, a real bike?"
    '05 Blue Kawi EX250 - RIP 6/17/10
    Still in the market. Free is good.

  6. #6
    RiderCoach We've stopped counting... twizted1's Avatar
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    I got nothing on that one either!
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  7. #7
    Flirting With The Redline 6000 Posts! SKnight's Avatar
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    I get this one from guys that actually ride.

    "You have a Busa? Cool, so why you up here in the mountains, 'cus yanno a cruiser can turn tighter."

    Me-"Don't you own that (Enter various sportbike) over there?"

    "Yeah, was really spanking it on the way up."

    Me-"Remember the bike that passed you about halfway up? Red and black bike?"

    "Yeah man, didn't catch what he was on though."

    I smile and walk away, this has happened twice. Of course now I ride far away from the typical hangouts.
    Stay safe, keep the shiny side up and never pass up a chance to go after that horizon.

  8. #8
    Miles of smiles We've stopped counting... asp125's Avatar
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    LOL.. I got nuthin that good.

    My closest story, when I had the Ducati. Folks at the office asked me about the loud black bike in the parking area. I go yeah, I ride that, air-cooled V-twin. Non-riders perk up.. "what a Harley?" Me: "Yeah, an Italian Harley". ..... perplexed looks on their faces.
    When life throws you curves, aim for the apex
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  9. #9
    Contributor We've stopped counting... Bugguts's Avatar
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    Priceless, Shadow Shack. Absolutely priceless. Sad that they really are impressed with themselves.
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  10. #10
    RiderCoach 3000 Posts! Prof._HH's Avatar
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    I don't have the patience to carry the conversation that far. I did have one guy say he used to ride a yamaha something. I was pretty sarcastic back - A 'something'? Really, that's the best you could do? I know every make/model of every bike I've ever owned - including dirt bikes as a kid and you rode a 'something'?

    I'm more likely to react like Subvet - crook one eyebrow and give a blank stare.
    My boss said to dress for the job I want, not the one I have.

    Now, I'm waiting for my meeting with H.R. about my blue tights and cape.


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