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Thread: IT Geek Speak ... IT Professionals and the like

  1. #11
    Moderator/RiderCoach 10,000 Posts! Clair's Avatar
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    Me: "Okay, so for a given person's Unit, I need to go find that Unit's Parent unit, then get ALL the child units under the Parent, THEN for all those units I have to get ALL the students within those units, then I have to see who's registered and who isn't ... and you'd like that response time to be within a second or two ....."

    Them: "Right, it's only for that one unit so we need it to come back fast"

    Me: "But again, for that ONE unit I end up getting all the other units within that parent and then all the kids within that and doing all the checks ... that's a lot of work"

    Them: "yeah, but it's only the one unit"

    heavy sigh ...


    "yeah ok, let me see what I can do ..."
    Ride safe, ride smart, ride ATGATT because sweat dries faster than scars heal

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  2. #12
    My Rants:

    1. Others on the project think that I don't do anything other than stay glued to the monitor waiting for their emails, and read them right away. Why else would they send an email one second, walk-up to me next second, and start discussing them?

    2. Auditors, without real production support experience: I have a 15 people development team which supports about 50K SAP users, with a few hundred roles/business processes. Auditors keep coming after me with SOD (Segregation of Duties) conflicts. Seriously? Unless you give me 500 ppl team, or expect me to support only 5K users, we will have SODs in our roles.

    3. People who get my team to work emergency code changes, but won't stage data in Dev system, or test them right away.

    4. Maintenance Checkouts: everyone needed for post maintenance checkouts have to stay dialed into the call because data center team can't be bothered to call a few people when system is ready for checkouts.

    (Non IT : McDonald doesn't give me any discount when I order Big Mac without meat (I don't expect any), but charges me 20 cents for a cup of water. They have stopped charging for a cup of water recently though).

    more to come...
    I am nobody to pity anybody. I just hope to share what I have.

  3. #13
    RiderCoach 8000 Posts! WoodstockJeff's Avatar
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    Failure to stage data....

    "We have a system change coming up, and we would like to move one part of a data conversion to your systems. Can you do it?"
    "Yes, we need specifications and samples of the new data format."
    "Here's the specification. Will it be done within 10 days?"
    "Where is the sample data?"
    "It's described in the specification."
    "We need sample files for testing."
    "Just copy them out of the specification. Will it be done in 2 days?"
    "Wait - we had 10 days to do this yesterday. What happened to the other 7?!?"
    "Oh, we got an EXTENSION to let this go until Monday, but it has to be done by then!"

    Fast forward to Monday....

    "We're ready to go, as far as we can tell, but we still need at least ONE test file from the real system."
    "Oh, it's not ready to go on our end yet. It will be another week."
    "Can we get at least SOMETHING to test in the mean time?"
    (time passes....)
    "We uploaded a sample to the transfer system. We think. Did you get it?"
    "No."
    "We'll try again."
    (eventually, they manage to get it to the transfer system)
    "This file does NOT match the specifications! The specification had a record size of 99 bytes. The sample has 130 byte records, so nothing aligns with the conversion template. Is the sample correct, or the specification?"
    "Oh.... let us check.... The sample is correct."
    (time passes)
    "We've corrected the template so that the data conversion works. You can begin transferring the new files to us."
    "Great! It will be 10 days until the first system is converted on our end, and 3-6 months to get the other two."
    "What happened to having to have it ready to go TODAY, with no room for delay?!?!?!"
    "You guys did great!"

    One of these days, we won't be able to be miracle workers, and their whole fantasy world will collapse...
    Jeff

    "The future is so much easier to predict when you have a handle on how you arrived at now.... Works with traffic just as well as the rest of life. "

    "Modern Liberalism: The embodiment of an irrational fear of letting other people run their own lives."

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  4. #14
    Moderator/RiderCoach 10,000 Posts! Clair's Avatar
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    Ah, but on the other side ...

    Them: "The app's not working, Im using unit 12345 and nothing is coming back"

    I do some research in Dev and test and determine that that particular unit is new and not in the Dev/Test lanes. Due to the integrated nature of the apps on the DB we can't easily do full Prod DB refreshes into Dev and Test without major work and impact on a gazillion systems.

    Me: "okay, that unit is in prod so there's no problem there, it just isn't in Dev/Test. Just go select another unit (there's over 100K of them to choose from)"

    Them: "but that's my unit and I know it and how it should look. Can we get it in Dev?"

    Me: "No, we can't do a data refresh at this time. But there are well over 100K other units you can use for your test. Would you like me to find one that meets your needs?"

    Them: "no, taht won't work, I really need to test with MY unit"

    Me: "Sorry, not gonna happen. I'll be happy to find you a similar unit but we can't do a refresh at this time"

    World comes to an end because they can't use the one unit they want even though there's a ton of others out there for there testing. UGH
    Ride safe, ride smart, ride ATGATT because sweat dries faster than scars heal

    2011 Triumph Tiger 800XC
    2009 Kawasaki ER-6N

    * If you love your bike set it free. If it comes back to you, you've High Sided


  5. #15
    RiderCoach 8000 Posts! WoodstockJeff's Avatar
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    Similar fun:

    "The weight is incorrect for part XXXXX. Please correct it."
    "The weight was supplied by you. Please provide an updated list with the correct weight."
    "We would have never provided an incorrect weight!"
    "Actually, you originally provided NO weight, and the system didn't work at all. When we pointed this out to you, you replaced all of the unknown weights with 1, so the system would work. We do not modify the data you send; we just post it to the system. If you want to correct it, please provide an accurate list."
    .......

    (we've needed to hire people recently. during the interview, we spend a lot of time explaining to the prospects what we go through. we only consider those that don't flee in terror. the last one we took in on trial lasted a week before quitting....)
    Jeff

    "The future is so much easier to predict when you have a handle on how you arrived at now.... Works with traffic just as well as the rest of life. "

    "Modern Liberalism: The embodiment of an irrational fear of letting other people run their own lives."

    '13 XT250
    '10 ZG-1400 (operational again)

  6. #16
    Flirting With The Redline 6000 Posts! ds5160's Avatar
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    When I was documenting printers, I kept having disagreements with the people who provided me weights and dimensions about the numbers they provided me. Every release they gave me final numbers, and then right as we released, they told us the dimensions were incorrect. Turns out the production units were always different than the prototypes.
    I still make a runny one now and then, but the goo is good on ice cream.

    -- Overcaffeinated

  7. #17
    Flirting With The Redline 6000 Posts! atomicalex's Avatar
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    I am a business admin for a few IT systems. We are replacing one of them right now.

    Ma business colleagues seem to have a misunderstanding about what "simplify and streamline" means. They also seem to fail tograsp that our technical language has changed.

    It seems like every day, I have to walk over to programming, figure out what mess has been generated by my team, and put a stop to it. On top of it, there are only two people on the business side who have any IT experience, so we are constantly having to backtrack the rest of the group. It is kind of fun to be in the middle, though. I feel like one of those little Franklin translators.
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  8. #18
    Flirting With The Redline 6000 Posts! ds5160's Avatar
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    I would love that. I love trying to translate between two people saying the same thing, one from engineering and one from marketing.
    I still make a runny one now and then, but the goo is good on ice cream.

    -- Overcaffeinated

  9. #19
    Flirting With The Redline 4000 Posts! taylorcraft07's Avatar
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    I do the translation thing all the time.

    I am currently a project manager working in the IT security group. There are about 80 of us in the department with three of us being PMs. Currently I am the only PM that has a software development background. The percentage in IM as a whole is probably worse. That is leading to a lot of paper pusher project managers that can create great PowerPoint but can't deliver a project on time or in budget. Upper management keeps responding with more governance and processes which just add to the distractions from getting the project out the door.

    Dave

  10. #20
    BBO Communications Liaison 5000 Posts! RockyMtnRoadRash's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by taylorcraft07 View Post
    I am currently a project manager working in the IT security group. There are about 80 of us in the department with three of us being PMs. Currently I am the only PM that has a software development background. The percentage in IM as a whole is probably worse. That is leading to a lot of paper pusher project managers that can create great PowerPoint but can't deliver a project on time or in budget. Upper management keeps responding with more governance and processes which just add to the distractions from getting the project out the door.
    See, you're doing it wrong. The proper way to manage projects is following a very specific series of steps that prevent you having to trust team members and ensure maximum management feedback and input, ideally on a daily basis so they can tell you what to do at any given moment. Ideally you want each iteration to end with some time for management to clumsily grill the hell out of and help break down the team. Once you've broken their spirits they'll do whatever you say.

    In all seriousness I'm a PM too, in my case for a few teams working on commercial software. In the absence of anyone else capable of concocting and executing a time bound plan, we also double as release managers.

    My release was the smoothest, best managed, and smallest negative impact release the company has ever seen. Instead of the "panic panic must control everything and work 100 hour weeks" seen in the past, I built a strong team and worked with them to kick ass. I didn't freak out when things changed, just handled them as intelligently and safely as possible. A bit of encouragement to the team for continuous improvement meant by the last of 9 midnight releases we were BOOOOOORED.

    Did I get one of the free money and stupid toy awards in this most recent company popularity contest? No, because F**k you, Todd.

    Who got one? The guy who fixed a low priority low impact bug that was some customer service unterboss's pet. In other words, F**k you, Todd.

    To date I am the ONLY release manager to receive no such award and recognition. Because F**k you, Todd.
    -RMRR
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