I fopund this on an autoblog site. Very funny discription about a helmet he wants to sell. Some parts could be offensive for sensitive ears.(not really that bad)
Absolutely hilarious eBay ad for motorcycle helmet
Posted Oct 13, 2004, 4:30 PM ET by Christopher Diken
(The link) http://www.autoblog.com/entry/8142716515183573/
One click (and a little scrolling) is all you need. It’s not really auto-related, but I think we can let this one slide.
News to us all: eBay (or someone) removed the ad— if anyone read it and happened to copy the “item description,” let us know. The picture at right is from the ad.
Thanks to VW Vortex’s Car Lounge for the hook-up.
Big update: Thanks to our most excellent reader Chris, we got the goods. Clickety clack below for the full text. Thanks, Chris!
Reprinted exactly from the ad (spelling/grammar are seller’s own):
This Helmet is like brand new. I bought it for my wife, but it's to
small for her big fat head.You know, it was all a big lie right from
the beginning. I asked her if she liked bikes, (i've been riding since
i was 9 years old.) She's like "Yeah, I love Motorcycles, they're
great!" Now, i'm thinking to myself, this chicks cool, she's hot, has
big boobs, and loves motorcycles. I gotta snag this one up
quick.Little did i know that as soon as i gave her the engagement
ring, all that would change. First, it was a subtle hint, you know,
that the wedding's going to be expensive, and that that band costs
just as much as my motorcycle. With all these wedding plans going on,
i hardly have time to ride my bike. I'm schleping all over the state
looking at reception halls, listening to cheesy wedding bands, and
picking out floral arrangements. She brings up the fact that i havn't
ridden my bike in a while now, (No kidding!! She won't let me out of
her sight for more than 5 minutes!) and that maybe i should sell it.
Now, that brings a whole lot of tension into the situation. I'm like
no way! Then i notice that our sex life has reduced dramatically. A
man has gotta do, what he's gotta do, so, i sell the bike, thinking
that things will get better. She promises me, that as soon as we get
married, she'll get a good job, and then i can get another bike. We
get married, and we're having sex everyday. Life is good. The Evil One
is looking for work for like, 6 months. I find it hard to believe that
she can't find a damn job, but who am i to say? She's just holding out
for that Management position she says. To be quite honest, i really
don't care, she's cleaning my pipes better than Roto Rooter. Then the
kicker…She tells me she's pregnant. All the while i thought she was
on the pill! I ask her how this happened, and she said the pill gave
her facial hair. (I really couldn't see a difference, after all she is
Italian). Fast Foward 9 months…i'm out breaking my back doing manual
labor, she's a big, fat, hairy lipped beach ball, with the disposition
of a rabid Pit Bull. Nothing i say, or do is good enough for her. The
day she gave birth, i thought again, that things will change for the
better. WRONG!! Now everythings about the baby. Me, i'm second fiddle.
Sex life? Ha! The only time i get some action is when i see her breast
feeding the little bastard! I'm going crazy, at least if i had a
motorcycle, i could take out some of my frustration. Even the guys at
work notice how miserable i've been. One day, my partner rolls up on a
brand new bike. I wanted to commit suicide. He knows how bad i wanted
another bike. He see's the look in my eye, and asks me if i would like
to take it out for a spin Friday night. It was truly the first time i
lit up since marrying that bitch. Friday rolls around, i cash my
check, and head on over to my partners house. I cruise around for a
while, and end up at this little bar on the edge of town. I head up to
the bar, place my helmet on it, and order a beer. I look over and see
this little hottie chatting it up with her friends. I notice that the
eye contact is getting more and more frequent. After a few more
minutes, she walks over to me and tells me she just loves motorcycles.
That they get her "excited". I ask her if she wants to go for a ride.
Her beautifully full lips widen with a pearly white smile. I take that
as a yes. I grab her by the hand, and lead her to the bike. She straps
on the spare helmet that was on the bike, and away we go. We ride for
hours. She taps me on the shoulder, and tells me her apartment is on
the next block. Would i want to stop in for a while and have another
beer. Who am i to say no? I watch her lead the way, and i can't keep
my eyes off of her tight lil' behind. I think back to the days when
old hippo ass looked like this. Well, once upstairs, one beer turned
into two, and so on. The next thing i know, i'm in bed with her, and
she was amazing! It was the best expierence i have ever had. Right
then i had an epiphany. I had to be happy. I wasn't going to live a
miserable existance for the rest of my life and something had to be
done. Long story short, i left my hairy beast of a wife. (She's done
good since i left. She remarried an Appliance salesman named Harold.)
While i was moving out, i came across the helmet. I don't ever want to
be reminded of my miserable past life, so please, make a bid. I have a
motorcycle payment to make! The helmet has no scratches, size MED and
i would rate it a 9 out of 10 Winning bidder to Pay with PAYPAL ONLY.
Winning Bidder to pay all Shipping costs. I ship UPS ONLY. No Zero or
Negative Feedback Bidders.
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