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Chrystal
08-04-2005, 09:42 AM
Hey all,

Off topic bad news.

I got a call at 6:30 this morning but didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer it. When I got to work I checked my message and it was my exhusband. He had a bad car accident this morning at 12:30am and his passenger is in very critical condition. He was drinking and passed out and she wasn't wearing her seatbelt and was ejected. The doctors met with her family and said from the neck down she's ok but she has a fracture at the base of her skull and the left side of her brain is "dead" and that is she ever wakes up or lives, she'll never be the same. He was taken to jail and released and goes to court on the 29th. I'm off to the hospital she was flown to which is two hours away. Even though we're divorced I feel like I have to be there for him. I know the girl and feel aweful for the family but right now all I can think of is him spending years in prison if she dies.

Happy birthday to me, huh?

Pray for them.

Thanks for reading.

Chrystal

Greg
08-04-2005, 09:47 AM
That is sad. Stupid and avoidable but still sad. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I have known people who have died due to drinking and driving.

Best of luck

TeknoGTI
08-04-2005, 09:49 AM
Sorry to hear. I hope this person pulls through ok, you never know, weird things to happen and/or get misdiagnosed. Hopefully she will be ok. However, for your exhusband, bad news for him. Good reason why not to drink and drive :mad: , or even drive when your are tired. Best of luck with everything.

jenniferb
08-04-2005, 09:56 AM
Wow! That is some lousy birthday present!

A very good friend of our family was killed in a car accident as a teenager. They had all been at a party, drinking of course, my cousin was actually supposed to be in the car, but decided at the last minute not to go with them. The driver hit a tree, there were 3 people in the car and the driver was the only one to survive. At that time no charges were filed against him.

Here's hoping she survives and heals as well as possible.

Zixxer10
08-04-2005, 09:59 AM
That's always a shock no matter what the personal relationship is. Hang in there fellow Wisconsinite.

asp125
08-04-2005, 10:21 AM
What a senseless and avoidable tragedy. Hope your friend pulls through.

Missy B
08-04-2005, 10:26 AM
Yikes, Chrystal. Sorry to hear about the bad news. :( I can understand wanting to be there for both of them.

Paduan
08-04-2005, 10:26 AM
I think I will pray for you too.

li'lmamabiker
08-04-2005, 10:47 AM
Thoughts and prayers going out to everyone involved in this tragedy.

Cindy
08-04-2005, 11:01 AM
Chrystal,

That is very sad indeed, if he was drinking to the point that he passed out while driving he could face some very serious charges if she dies. Then again, who wants to remain a vegetable the rest of their life. Such a senseless tragedy. My thoughts go out to you, your ex and his friend.

remy_marathe
08-04-2005, 11:10 AM
Sorry to hear it; your ex is in for some tough times and his passenger's in a lose-lose situation. My heart goes out to you; we've lost way too many family friends this way over the years considering how absolutely avoidable it is. Find peace,
-Dan

Ash
08-04-2005, 11:24 AM
Prayers to all of you. I can understand wanting to be there as well.
We're here for you once you get back,
Ash

southernspirit
08-04-2005, 12:00 PM
Well wishes and prayers sent.....

JustJake
08-04-2005, 12:15 PM
My thoughts are with you and them.

Mer
08-04-2005, 01:29 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm keeping everyone in my prayers.

AReeves
08-04-2005, 01:31 PM
Best wishes on your birthday Chrystal. Sorry to hear about your ex's bad decision and the aftermath and hoping for the best for everyone concerned, whatever that may be. Take care- Ann

x_cuesme
08-04-2005, 02:23 PM
Hey Chrystal-

I'm very sorry and you and your x and friend are in our prayers. What a horrible thing to happen. I understand you wanting to be there and your concern about him going to jail. I hope everything works out as well as possible through this ordeal-

Nancy

Chrystal
08-04-2005, 04:52 PM
Thanks everyone so much for your concerns and prayers.

You're right, it was stupid and completely avoidable.

He is a very good man, would not purposely hurt anyone. Abd he realizes that it was all his fault and feels so bad. After our divorce he developed a drinking problem and had even considered help a few weeks ago he told me. He said he felt lonely and depressed. I feel so scared for him. :(

I've been crying on and off all day. I just keep thinking, he can't go to jail, he can't go to jail. He has (had) so much going for him, single, new car, new bike, huge beautiful new home, lots of friends, just finished school.

His parent live in Maine and I assume they'll help with attorney fees. I know it was his fault but I'm so worried they'll try and charge him with a felony. He's such a good person. It was just a mistake. He meets with his attorney Tuesday and it will be aweful waiting.

As for the girl, a very distant cousin to him, she was also drunk. She waited around for him to get done shooting horse shoes and then they had some drinks and he was giving her a ride home. She is in ICU and was scheduled for tests and surgery at 4 this afternoon, no info yet. Apparently she had something in her brain. I don't know anything more than that. The most important thing is that she lives and recovers as best she can.

Again, thanks everyone, knowing that you all care really helps.

Hugs, C

SoCal LabRat
08-04-2005, 06:23 PM
Chrystal, how horrible. There's not much I can say that hasn't already been said. Unfortunately, what we do, good or bad, carries with it consequences. It seems that he had a major error in judgement (haven't we all?) and very bad things happened. How sad for him, how sad for his family, and how sad for his distant cousin and her family.

I wish the very best to everyone involved. I guess this is a harsh lesson for anybody who believes "it'll never happen to me."

valgal
08-04-2005, 08:48 PM
Speechless. Blessings for strength to you. Val

tomato
08-04-2005, 10:11 PM
So sorry, Chrystal. You are a true blue friend. Those suffering in this situation I am sure are so appreciative of your friendship.

Saying a prayer for strength, for all involved.

Chrystal
08-05-2005, 02:28 PM
For those interested, there is some good news today.

The girl's doctors said the bleeding in her brain has stopped and she showed signs of responding to the doctor and movement. They're taking her off the sedatives(?) and hoping she wakes up on her own in a few days.

There was also a rumor going around that there would be not be any bad brain damage.

Such a long way to go and this info seems so small but for those of us dealing with it, it is SUCH wonderful news to hear.

My ex is dealing as best he can with the reality of his actions. Already making plans and getting things in order incase he goes away. :( But a minute at a time is all we can handle.

Even if nobody is following this, it helps a lot to type it out so I'll probably keep updating.

Be safe out there. If you drink have a DD. You can't even begin to imagine the consiquences(?). Take a minute and think, just try for a moment to "plan" your life around going to jail. What about your family? The family of those you hurt? Your house? Job? Bills? Pets? Belongings?....I could go on forever.

Cindy
08-05-2005, 02:32 PM
Chrystal,

That is great news, I hope she continues to improve.

Cindy

Missy B
08-05-2005, 02:54 PM
Chrystal,
Glad to hear about your friend. I understand the "waiting in the wings" feeling all too well, but hang in there. Like you said, day by day, and baby step by baby step.

I am all about someone being responsible for their actions, but I am also sorry that he has to go through it for a moment of bad judgment. That sucks. And I'm sure it's hard on you to watch, as I'm sure you are there for him.

Chin up, girl.

MaxiScoot
08-05-2005, 04:37 PM
My thoughts and prayers are with you Chrystal, and your friends.

Triumph
08-05-2005, 06:21 PM
Drunk driving is such a terrible thing. I hope for the best for everyone involved.

AReeves
08-05-2005, 06:31 PM
Yeah, that's great news for everyone involved. Glad to hear it! -Ann

Kobati
08-07-2005, 12:45 AM
Sorry to hear this, Chrystal. I'll keep em in my thoughts.

LaurieT
08-07-2005, 09:04 PM
(((Chrystal))) Hang in there and definitely keep us posted.

Laurie

Zixxer10
08-08-2005, 11:46 AM
Today finishes the third week my wife has been in the hospital so I know how the waiting can be. Things will be better. Try not to let it get you down.

HotFix
08-08-2005, 01:39 PM
Be safe out there. If you drink have a DD. You can't even begin to imagine the consiquences(?). Take a minute and think, just try for a moment to "plan" your life around going to jail. What about your family? The family of those you hurt? Your house? Job? Bills? Pets? Belongings?....I could go on forever.
I have never thought of it that way. I guess planning on a driver is a hell of a lot easier than having to plan all of that.

I'm not trying to make light of the situation. I just hear to many times what a pain in the butt it is to plan a DD, car pooling daisy chains, and what car gets left where... pretty miniscule with respect to the possible alterative.

Chrystal
08-08-2005, 01:43 PM
I'm not trying to make light of the situation. I just hear to many times what a pain in the butt it is to plan a DD, car pooling daisy chains, and what car gets left where... pretty miniscule with respect to the possible alterative.

Amen......

Derick
08-08-2005, 03:14 PM
Chrystal, sorry for the actions and emotions that your ex-husband has brought upon you. Unfortunately, he must face the consequences of his actions. Fellow rider, board member, friend or not, if a drunk driver took someone away from me, I would hope that they get the fullest extent of punishment that the law allows for.

Regnaston
08-09-2005, 10:37 AM
Very Sad. Your in our thoughts and prayers

Chrystal
08-09-2005, 10:55 AM
Unfortunately, he must face the consequences of his actions. Fellow rider, board member, friend or not, if a drunk driver took someone away from me, I would hope that they get the fullest extent of punishment that the law allows for.

Very true. We're worried because we live in a very racist county. Half the population is Native American and a very good portion of the other half doesn't like Indians. :( Sad.

The courts here are notorious for being extra harsh on NAs and that concerns us. The big joke here when someone gets pulled over is they were pulled over beacause "They were brown on a Friday night." Again, sad.

The two tribes that make up the NA population in my county are the two largest employers in the county, offer the best benefits and pay. They are thriving financially and have gone from a burden on the county to giving hundreds of thousands of dollars back to the county, and together, hundreds of millions back to the state. But we're still frowned upon and treated poorly at various places - and given unfair sentances throught the court (knock on wood). Again, sad.

Chrystal
08-17-2005, 09:48 AM
An update for any interested...

The girl is still being sedated because when she's awake she pulls at the tubes she's connected to. Shows movement in both sides of her body, and can communicate when she's awake. The doctors have limited her visitors and have said that she just needs quite right now. They've explained that head injuries just need time.

As for Rob, he met with a two different attorneys and chose one, an aggressive guy who seems like he really has his stuff together. As it is now, the sherrif wrote him 3 tickets and two of them contradict each other, sherrifs mistake. His first apperance is on the 29th. He's been getting ready for the hoosgow but this new attorney has given him hope that he might not set for long, if at all.

I update this thread for my own therapy but also I hope that someone out there reading this might tuck it away in memory until the time comes for them to designate a driver or even intervene when another might drive drunk. Mistakes are made by wonderful, good-hearted people too.

Paduan
08-17-2005, 10:44 AM
Many years ago and before I became married, I had a particular method of dealing with myself when drinking. (I don't drink anymore, but did contribute to the business success of various beverage producers during my 20's.)

I usually frequented parties or bars where the participants were fairly well-known to each other. A "safe" environment, relatively speaking.

Upon arrival, I would give my vehicle keys to the most attractive girl there. This would accomplish a number of things:

Often, the young woman in question would be impressed by my "responsible" nature and without further ado a relationship (purely physical in those safer days) would spring to life.

If an immediate spark was not ignited, the possession of my keys by the young woman guaranteed some connection between us that would last the evening. By this simple connection, this put me one up on all the other roosters.

If approached by another male, she would quickly be considered "off limits", as most of the competing males at that time in my life were mortally terrified of me. Once they found out that she had my keys, a symbol of trust and intimacy, they would retreat as if from a leper.

Later in the evening, when either of us wanted to go home, another opportunity for companionship would materialize. If she didn't have someone to leave with, I would automatically become a "default" keeper. If she wanted to go home, I would naturally volunteer to take her, or she could drive as she already had the keys. Of course, while she was driving to her place , I would ply my wiley ways.

If I became impaired and in need of a driver to get me home, it was usually pretty easy to convince the woman in question to help me out. By the time we would reach my cave, I could usually have initiated some sort of agreement as to what we would do for breakfast. (I often faked impairment in order to follow this path.)

A certain amount of control is required for success in this process. One can get just so intoxicated, or one becomes very unattractive and will ruin the entire game.

When mildly buzzed on alcohol, I become the ultimate flirt (can you believe that?) and most women in that type of environment just loved the attention. I never became a sloppy, mean drinker, and the women in the community knew it.

So, rather than a low success rate with bullshit pickup lines, I employed a strategic plan that had a very high positive outcome. And in the process, avoided a lot of driving while alcohol-impaired.

So, you guys out there who are still pursuing companionship might want to give this a try.

Oh, and by the way, one of those girls thought I was a good enough keeper that she made me marry her.

sanglant
08-17-2005, 10:59 AM
Keep talking, Paduan, I'm taking notes!! :notworthy

HotFix
08-17-2005, 11:27 AM
Damn Paduan I'm speechless. I am withouth speech.
Damn
:notworthy

Paduan
08-17-2005, 12:03 PM
As with everything worthwhile in life, you gotta have a plan.

MaxiScoot
08-17-2005, 12:44 PM
Ah, Paduan, one wiley dude you are! http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-8/1063980/SmlyLaugh.gif

Paduan
08-17-2005, 12:47 PM
My father taught me well....

MaxiScoot
08-17-2005, 12:57 PM
Chrystal, thanks for the update. I'm glad to hear things are getting better for both your ex and your friend.

It never ceases to amaze me how people treat the original owners of this country. It must be shame that makes it so. I don't know who wrote, "If you prick me do I not bleed? If you tickle me do I not laugh? If you poison me do I not die? And if you wrong me shall I not seek revenge?" but it applies to us all regardless of ethnicity.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Paduan
08-17-2005, 01:04 PM
No group of people in recent history has been betrayed and discriminated against to the degree that has been perpetrated upon the Native American.

It is a shame that will haunt us for centuries, and something has to be done about it.

Now!

MarcS
08-17-2005, 01:51 PM
No group of people in recent history has been betrayed and discriminated against to the degree that has been perpetrated upon the Native American.

It is a shame that will haunt us for centuries, and something has to be done about it.

Now!

What about Jews? Gay people? Blacks? Japanese? Poor people? The white "majority"? If there's something we humans are good at doing, it's segregating ourselves from people we perceive as different, and persecuting them.

Paduan
08-17-2005, 01:58 PM
I'm not saying that all the other "groups" should be ignored.

Just that straightening out the mess created for the Native American would be an appropriate place to start.

I'm a Scot. Hadrian built a wall across England, just to cage us up and keep us down. The southern Englanders took our lands and raped our daughters for about a thousand years after that. But I still think that, here in America, we should take care of our native peoples first. The rest of us can wait a bit.

If we humans could just figure out how to get through life without the need to destroy everyone and everything around us......

sanglant
08-17-2005, 02:20 PM
If we humans could just figure out how to get through life without the need to destroy everyone and everything around us......


There'd be no hockey. :redtounge

Paduan
08-17-2005, 02:25 PM
There'd be no hockey. :redtounge
Hockey is not a game in which you destroy your rival.

Just humiliate him/her......

Zixxer10
08-17-2005, 02:44 PM
As with everything worthwhile in life, you gotta have a plan.

You really do only have one switch on your control panel, don't you. :)

Chrystal
08-17-2005, 03:06 PM
Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers. They mean a lot.

LordSmoke
08-17-2005, 03:32 PM
Damn, this is one meandering thread.
Hang in there Chrystal!

remy_marathe
08-17-2005, 03:37 PM
Hope your mini-vacation goes well. :banana: Gotta love the midweek mini-vacations!

MarcS
08-17-2005, 03:57 PM
What's the mini vacation? Are you gonna be at the BB?

Paduan
08-17-2005, 04:40 PM
You really do only have one switch on your control panel, don't you. :)
Don't have a switch.

I'm "hard-wired".

Pun optional.....

x_cuesme
08-17-2005, 06:18 PM
Chrystal-

I'm really happy to hear that things are looking a little brighter-

We have to pay for mistakes, but your X sounds like the type of person who's going to make himself pay- what the law does may well be secondary. Very glad to hear the woman is doing much better-prayers and thoughts continue for all of you.

Take care-

Nancy

Zixxer10
08-17-2005, 06:23 PM
Don't have a switch.

I'm "hard-wired".

Pun optional.....

Like the guys who stole ten cases of Viagra. The cops knew there were some hardened criminals on the loose.

Chrystal
08-22-2005, 09:04 AM
What's the mini vacation? Are you gonna be at the BB?

Went to SW WI, Iowa, MN...will post about it w/pics...

Thanks again everyone.

Chrystal
09-02-2005, 02:48 PM
An update for those interested...

The girl has been transferred to a special place in Mailwaukke that specializes in head injuries. They think they'll be able to wake her up there. I'm confused as to exactly what state she's in. Some say it's not a coma, but it sounds a lot like one. She yawned the other day and her eyes follow people around the room - both peices of info are great to hear. There is a benefit for her on Sept 17th. I'm sure the whole coomunity will be there.

As for Rob, my exH, he had his first court appearance already. $500 sig. bond - the lowest possible bond. Atty said that sets the mood for the whole case. Her family refused the DA's request for her med records and refused to press charges. They're all related and the family hold nothing against him. The paper says he's facing 25-55 years, but atty said realistically(?) he'll probably get 1-1.5 in county with huber. So many more details but won't go into it.

Remember to be safe this weekend. Don't drink and drive - ever.

Missy B
09-02-2005, 05:52 PM
Sounds like Rob is very fortunate, IMO.

Hang in there, Chrystal.

Chrystal
02-01-2006, 02:48 PM
A four-month-later update for anyone who's interested....

(And if you take away anything from this update please let it be the fact that drinking and driving is the most stupid thing you could ever do!)

The girl who was injured is home now. She came home the Friday before Xmas. She's doing a lot better but still needs to be ummm, supervised(?) I guess you could say. Her memory and brain function are pretty much back to normal. I guess her body just needs to catch up. Her left arm is a little slow and awkward yet. She can walk without a walker. She's going through physical therapy to help out. We all thank the Lord for her recovery.

Ex-H is also doing better. He and the girl are good friends now, that's nice. I guess. :) His next pretrial court date is March 7th. It seems like he's had about 4 pretrials already. Then there will be one more and they think the DA will offer some sort of offer. He just bought an Eclipse and is trying to live his life. He's quit drinking and found a girlfriend. I'm happy about that. I guess the girl is nice to my cats so I'm staying out of it. :)

Please remember this girl's story next time you're out drinking. Don't drive drunk. Ever.

You'll be messing with more than you can ever imagine.

remy_marathe
02-01-2006, 03:01 PM
Thanks for the update, Chrystal. It's good to hear that it's turning out better than it sounded at first; I hope the girl makes a full recovery in time.
-Dan

rider66
02-01-2006, 03:51 PM
This story definitly connected up with your comment from another thread recently and I thought I had read this before. Chrystal wrote: I've got one exhusband down already.....working on exhusband #2.

Now it all comes clear. Much better outcome than first indicated 4 months ago.

Bugguts
02-01-2006, 05:12 PM
I don't know how in the world I missed this thread! Holy crap! Thank's for updating this Chrystal. I'm praying everyone gets there life back to normal.

MsPotatoPotatoHead
02-01-2006, 05:16 PM
Thanks for the update - glad to hear things are not so bad now.

Chrystal, third time's the charm, so go ahead and get #2 out of the way quickly!